This is a sign of controlling behavior in relationships. Instead of admitting that they invaded your privacy in the first place, they might shift the blame to you in order to avoid responsibility for their choices. While you’re in the shower, your girlfriend goes onto your phone and reads those private messages, then gets mad at you for what they saw. You may even find yourself apologizing for something you didn’t know you needed to be sorry for.įor example, let’s say you’ve been texting your close friend about your relationship difficulties. You may confront a controlling boyfriend, only to find that they’ve somehow turn it back around on you. They play the blame gameĪ controlling person can have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions. But if your partner or spouse repeatedly acts this way and won’t take your interests, needs, and opinions into account, they might be trying to control you. They may also assume that you’re only safe when they’re around, or they may ask you to consult with them every time you’re making a decision about your life.Ī controlling partner may be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against that coworker they don’t like.Īny of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. They’re overprotectiveĬaring for you isn’t the same as controlling you, though sometimes it may be difficult for you to tell them apart.Ī partner may be overprotective if they question who you’ve gone out with, get upset if you don’t answer a phone call right away, or act jealous of your friends and family. If they disagree with the way you dress, they might tell you so, or they could start slowly “changing your wardrobe” by buying specific outfits as gifts to you. They may also make arrangements with your friends without asking you first, or they may paint or redecorate according to their taste only. Perhaps they always insist on driving you everywhere, or they hog time in your schedule. But it may be the latter if your partner routinely makes decisions for you. There’s a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. These are the most common signs of a controlling partner: 1. What really matters is how you feel about these behaviors.ĭo they make you feel insecure, uncomfortable, or hand-tied about some aspects of yourself and your life? This may be a red flag in itself. There are many degrees of control, and the control may be subtly integrated into your relationship. Not all controlling partners behave in the same way, though. And then, one day, you may realize the water is too hot and you’re hurting. You may even start getting used to some of them. Some of your partner’s controlling behaviors may be so subtle or crop up so gradually that they can be hard to detect at first. This analogy may help you understand the dynamics of a controlling partner. But what happens when you step into lukewarm water and slowly turn the heat up? If you jump into hot water, your reaction might be to rush out of it. Learning some of the signs of a controlling partner may help you make an informed and safe decision about your relationship.ĩ Signs you may be in a controlling relationship The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that more than 43 million women and 38 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner, which includes controlling behaviors. Control is one of many toxic behaviors you shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship.Īlthough the control may be obvious when your partner explicitly asks you to behave in certain ways, there are some manipulation tactics and subtler controlling ways that might lead you to feel confused and overwhelmed. If this is the case, you might be in a controlling relationship. You feel you have to calculate every move around your partner. You seem to crave the privacy and autonomy you once had. What you do know is that you’ve been feeling increasingly hesitant about doing certain things on your own or making some decisions independently. But somewhere along the line, it started feeling like a bit too much for you.
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